Remus Smiled
by bexypants
Summary: Remus brings back the news of Harry's dementor attack the summer before his fifth year, and Sirius reveals something about his past that had been kept secret for fifteen years... Sirius/Lily, rated for language and implied sexual content.


He walked into Number 12, Grimmauld Place with a grim expression. The stench of Firewhisky could be smelt from the drawing room. Preparing himself for the worst, Remus Lupin made his way through the entrance way and into the house.

"Moony, is that you?" he heard him call, words slurred a bit.

"Yes," he called back with an exasperated sigh. Sirius was drunk, which shouldn't have surprised him. He walked into the room and sat down in a chair across from his friend.

"What'd Dumbledore have to say that was so important he couldn't _possibly_ come here and tell the prisoner to his face?"

"Harry was attacked by Dementors," he said bluntly. Better to just get it out. Sirius slammed his glass onto the table next to the chair he was sitting on. The alcohol splashed out of the glass as he screamed.

"HE _WHAT?_"

"There were two of them in Little Whinging. They went after Harry and his cousin," Remus said solemnly as he reached for the bottle of Firewhisky next to Sirius. Better to have a drink and let Sirius calm down than take on his rage sober. "He's fine, of course. Dumbledore would've come to you himself had anything happened to Harry. But the Ministry is using this opportunity to go after him."

"How? If they're going to attack my godson for protecting his arse from Dementors then they're even madder than I thought."

"They're completely mad, Padfoot. He's got a trial coming up with the Wizengamot. Pressing charges for using underage magic."

"I'd like to see Fudge try and win that one," Sirius said as he took the bottle back and poured himself another drink. "It's not as if he has a case."

"I don't know. If he twists the story enough and makes it seem as thought the Prophet's got it right – that Harry's just an attention-seeking teenager – then they might find him guilty. They tried to expel him right when the incident happened, before Dumbledore had his say. I wouldn't put it past Fudge to do anything he has to in order to get Harry and Dumbledore out of the way."

"Paranoid git," Sirius muttered. "If James and Lily were here to see what they were doing to their son..."

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere near Lily if she knew what was happening," Remus laughed. "That temper!"

"Lovely Lily. Merlin, that girl could scream!"

"Remember that time you and James hid her wand while she was pregnant? And she set your hair on fire wandlessly?" The two friends laughed, temporarily forgetting what had just happened, though it was only a matter of time before their mirth wore off.

"I miss them so much, Moony," Sirius said somberly.

"I can't believe it's been fourteen years. Feels like just yesterday when I got the owl."

"Everytime I see him, I see James. But then he starts talking, and all I can see are his eyes; Lily's eyes." Sirius sighed.

"He'll probably be coming here, to stay with the Order until school starts. You have to remember that he's his own person, Padfoot. He's neither James nor Lily. He's been through far more than they had at his age."

"At his age Lily still hated us!" he laughed again. "She was still friends with _Snivellus_."

"I always wondered if that's why Severus has treated Harry so badly... It's obvious he was in love with her."

"Weren't we all, mate?"

"What do you mean?"

"Weren't we all in love with Lovely Lily? Of course James was the one who got her in the end. James always got what he wanted in the end... Not that he didn't deserve her," he said quickly, as though covering up for a slip of the tongue. "Of course he deserved her. He was the best for her."

"Better than Severus, of course."

"Obviously better than the slimy git. But he was better than me, too. Lily didn't see that though..." he trailed off. Remus looked at his friend with a confused expression. What was Sirius talking about?

"It's lucky, how Harry looks so much like James. You don't need to wonder who his father would have been, it's obvious it was James." Sirius took another drink. "You know, Moony, if it weren't for the fact that he could be James's twin, I would've wondered whether he'd be mine!"

"What? Sirius, what are you -"

"Oh, you really never knew, Moony?" Sirius gave a chuckle, an insane chuckle; his time from Azkaban shining through. "I was fucking Lily! Lovely, lovely Lily Evans! No, Lily _Potter_!" Remus gaped at his friend. Had the alcohol finally driven him mad?

"You were all trying to convince me that I hadn't betrayed them! That, even though I recommended they chose the rat as Secret Keeper, it wasn't my fault! Well, maybe it wasn't my fault, but that doesn't mean I didn't betray my best friend!" Sirius shouted.

"Padfoot, how much have you had to -"

"Oh, stuff it, Remus! You must've at least suspected it! Or were we so discreet that both the husband _and_ the best friend didn't know?"

"Sirius, I think it's time you put down the Firewhisky."  
>"I'm not just making this up! You want proof, Moony? Proof of how I was the biggest bastard to my brother? The man whose family took me in! And how I repaid him by shagging his wife? Whip out the Pensieve, I've got the memories!"<p>

"You and Lily could never have -" Remus started to say before Sirius summoned a small stone basin and put his wand to his head, pulling out a silver strand.

"You're drunk, Sirius!" Remus yelled as his friend walked to the table the Pensieve had been placed upon. "This memory will be unreliable!"

"No, it won't. If I were drunk when it took place then maybe, but I was sober in this memory! I don't even have the excuse of being drunk! I was a traitor, and I knew I was being one!" He placed the memory into the device and beckoned Remus forward.

"Look!" Sirius said as he pointed to the basin. Remus placed his head into the swirling liquid and found himself in the guest bedroom in what used to be James and Lily's cottage in Godric's Hollow. Surveying the room, he noticed the bed occupied by two persons; one had long, thick red hair and the other with shoulder length black hair. Though somewhat covered by a sheet, there was no doubt they were naked under the covers. The man sat up and rubbed his eyes; he was obviously just waking up. Placing a kiss on the woman's head, he started to roll out of bed before being grabbed back. Lily was looking straight at him, and pulled him into a kiss. Remus tried to remove himself from the memory but found himself unable to leave.

"James isn't due back until tonight," Lily said with a seductive grin.

"I don't want to risk it, Lils," Sirius said, though he obviously didn't mean it. Leaning down onto her again he pulled her into another kiss. Lily's hand trailed down his body and, upon reaching a certain part of Sirius's anatomy, Remus found himself finally able to leave.

He looked the older Sirius in the eyes when he was back in the drawing room. He was next to the table that held the Pensieve, and upon close examination, he saw that he was crying.

"I deserve to be back in Azkaban, Moony."

"What you did – what you _and _Lily did," Remus started, "was wrong. But you don't deserve Azkaban for it." He pulled his sobbing friend into a hug and let him release the guilt he had kept pent up for fifteen years.

"James wouldn't want you still beating yourself up over this. He would have been angry with you, but he would have forgiven you. Because he was your brother, Padfoot. And he would have wanted you to forgive yourself."

"I can't, Moony," he said with red eyes.

"You can. And you need to. I don't know how long you'll have to remain in hiding for, but if you remain stuck in this house you can't have this eating away at you also."

Sirius looked at his friend with wide eyes, quite reminding him of his Animagus form.

"Don't fuck it up with my cousin, Remus."

"What do you mean? I don't -"

"Tonks. I can see how you look at her, and I can see the way she looks back. Don't fuck things up, Remus."

"I can't be with her, Sirius. I'm far too old, and I could never burden her with my furry little problem -" Sirius stopped him once again.

"If I learned anything from Lily, it's that anything is possible. Even if she's married it's possible," he spat with self-hatred. Bringing himself back from his guilt, he continued. "Nymphadora won't care about your badly behaved rabbit or your grandfather status." Sirius smiled at him. "Don't let her go."

He looked down at his friend and put his hand on his shoulder with a small grin. Remus smiled back.


End file.
